Part III-Section VI

I love Big Brother. I am content with my Victory Gin and my spot in the cafe. The people there are nice and know not to bother me. I did not want Oceania to lose the war as Eurasia moved into Africa. I saw all of the possibilities just as I saw the daily chess problem. There were not two opposing armies coming into conflict, rather arrows clashing. Although I knew that our naval force would prevent oncoming troops from advancing any further, I felt worried for a mere second. I thought about the possibility of a changed society, but dismissed it almost immediately. It was foolish to think the great Oceania could be defeated. I sure hope Big Brother stays in power. He has allowed me a new job that I find more enjoyable than the last. I am able to spend free time thinking for a positive reason. And of course, I always get my Victory Gin.

Part III-Section V

For months I wondered what room one-oh-one was, and why people seemed to shrivel up at its mention. No longer do I question their fear as I too never want to hear of it again. They could have put a gun to my head or killed Julia in front of me, anything but those rats. I did not believe they could scare a person so much they betray the person they love on the deepest level imaginable. I felt helpless as I sat in the chair against my will. The presence of the rats weakened me to a state of immaturity. When the cage moved closer, all I could think about was what they wanted from me. I would do anything to save myself then. Unfortunately, I had to endanger another person. Such a selfish act; it seems that I am always thinking of myself and it never ends well.

Part III-Section IV

I have began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My isolated cell is not as dark or lonely anymore. The guards are not as scary either. My body is feeling stronger now thanks to a regular meal schedule and small exercise. I could not stand how weak and insignificant I looked a month ago. Although my body is stronger, my mind still remains insane. No matter how hard nor how long I contemplate and absorb all that O' Brien has told me in our sessions, I can not wrap my finger around believing their lies. Deep down, I know what the Party says is made up, but is anything really true anymore. I can and will accept what they tell me, but I cannot make myself believe it. O' Brien says I have made progress, but further steps are required to make me a true Party member. Soon, I will finally find out what room 101 is. I do not care if they kill me, nor do I care if they let me go. All I hope is that O' Brien does what he needs to do to me quick. I would think of Julia more right now, but how can I? She betrayed me almost instantly...

Part III-Section III

The sessions of torture seem to be perpetual. I am grateful the dial is not used every session and rarely used at a high intensity. Yet, this progress is a sign that I am becoming one of them--a brainwashed zombie who has no real idea of reality. I do not constantly think of Julia, but small things remind me of her every so often. I may have confessed all of our wrong doings and jeopardized her life, but I will die, if I ever die, knowing that I never betrayed her. I still, and always will love her. I do hope the slightest bit that I can escape and we can run away together once more, but strongly doubt the possibility under control of the Party. I understand more of what the Party's motives are but still do not condone them. They may make the people believe that Big Brother cares, but they know that they are lying. O' Brien continues to confuse me. He tortures me physically and mentally, but I still love him. I still feel the connection that I felt with him before my arrest, perhaps a stronger connection now. I feel like he is my protector; he wants the best for me. Yet, if he did what was best for me, he would have shot me already.

Part III-Section II

I should have known better. Of course O' Brien is still one of them, those Inner Party scoundrels. There is not much to say, and even if I wanted to say more, I could not. The guards have beaten me mercilessly for the past several days, weeks, or even months. I have no idea how long I have been where-ever I am right now. My body aches like it is being kicked constantly buy a steel boot. My mind hurts from the torture O' Brien, alongside the man in the white coat with a dial, have inflicted on my. I do not want to believe what he says; deep down, I know that it is fake and wrong. But I also do not want to suffer anymore. I strongly desire to be put out of my misery here and now. Why must they strain on this pain and not just shoot me here and now? Of what importance am I to them now that I do not even exist? If only I had not been a fool to begin with, I might be at work still challenging my mind with some story. But, I cannot say I regret my thoughts, for something must be done to end what I am the victim of now.

Part III-Section I

I have no idea where I am, what time it is, or what troubles lie ahead of me. All I know is that I am terrified and extremely hungry. I haven't eaten in what may possible be 72 hours. It is difficult to think much in this cold, damp, bright cell. My mind is constantly annoyed by the sharp pain of the narrow benches and rancid odor from the lavatory, still defective after Parsons used it. I miss the other prisoners who were with me a mere few hours before. They allowed my mind to think other thoughts than the inevitable. Rarely do I think about Julia. For all I know, she could be in the room next to me or on a ship 50 miles away. She could also be experiencing pain hundreds of times more severe than me at the moment. I should not let my mind think this way. Oh my! At the door, the guards are leading O' Brien into the cell. I must go, for I have much I must learn. It seems we are meeting out of the darkness after all; I didn't picture it to be like this though. Maybe he has the razor. I can only hope to what is to come.

Part II-Section X

That ******* traitor! Forgive me for the language. Mr. Charrington ratted Julia and me out to the thought police. As I write this, I am in the back of a moving military truck, with stuffy air and no light. I am pissed as hell right now, pissed at Mr. Charrington, pissed at Big Brother, and pissed at myself. I am utterly disappointed that I let my guard down and the small moments I was defenseless, I let someone take advantage of me. I feel heavily guilty that I also brought Julia into this mess. Now all I can do is hope I am not killed or can escape some way. Currently, I am no smarter than a prole. If I were actually intelligent, I would not have been caught for being a part of the Brotherhood before I was officially in it. For the first time since my childhood, I am scared of what is about to happen to me, and more importantly, what is about to happen to my relationship with Julia. Fingers crossed.