Part II-Section III

That was amazing. I still cannot believe Julia and I are in a full fledged relationship. For once, I feel like I have a reason to continue to live. The ability to share my hopes, my desires, my thoughts has been the most helpful out of all, even though the sex is certainly pleasurable and diverting. Yet, at this time that I feel more alive than ever, I also feel frightened of the future. I am constantly questioning the relationship. Any personal gain from it is out of the question. Technically, I am still married. Damn this cursed system. I want to spend all of my time with Julia, but it has been increasingly difficult to even get the moment alone here and there. I am physically and mentally exhausted by the preparations for Hate Week. As I sit in the cubicle for the extra hours, I can only think out how much I despise Big Brother and his attempts at growing stronger.

After hearing numerous stories of Julia's past, I feel even more enraged at the Party. It is utterly disgusting to hear that the Party introduces their close-minded morals concerning sex, prisoners, and many other issues, to children for many years. Of course, they do it repeatedly; thus they deprive children of the ability to think for themselves, to make their own decisions on the morality behind certain subjects, and continue to bring ignorant and blind-eyed people into a world of corruption. I have felt anxious and antsy as of late; the Party's stance on sex has been troublesome and interfering. I hope that one day, Julia and I can live in privacy without any of these concerns for privacy and other corruption. The more and more I think about the horrendous situation at hand in our society, the more of a desire I have for change. Too bad I will never be able to see any of it in my lifetime, or so I think.